and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Randomize
