I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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