we have pet lesbian snakes
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
