I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
