he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize