Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
More tranny stories later!
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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