im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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