He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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