dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
