Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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