i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
home. puking in laundry basket.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Randomize
