Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I would ride that face into the sunset
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
