Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Randomize
