Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
