I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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