I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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