matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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