I'm drive I can fine osifer
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
