girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
