I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
