i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
