mondays should just be called national damage control day
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
