You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
