Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
