There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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