I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
