He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
my shit smells like andre
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Randomize
