my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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