it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
