You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize