Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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