Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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