Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
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