Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
