We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Pooping to opera.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
