I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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