Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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