if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
In other news, I just burned my penis
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
