I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
