How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
