my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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