Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize