So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
