so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I wish they made helmets for livers.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
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