She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
