don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
