I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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