Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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