It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
