Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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