I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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