you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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