Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
