I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm just crazy horny about you
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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