If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
