every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
