You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
