You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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