8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
