i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
soo... how was my night?
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