I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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