no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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