the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
