Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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