theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
