bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize