dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize