I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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