I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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