Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
