honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize