Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
