watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
