Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
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