living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
