Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Drunk is a universal language darling
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
