Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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