So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
