Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I wish they made helmets for livers.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
