girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
