I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize