I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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