Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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