I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
