3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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